Summary: A series of drabbles featuring each member's activities on the internet
- Lay: Hiding in plain sight
Lay always has tumblr and livejournal open on his laptop. He creates multiple accounts from which to write fan fiction and post pictures of the members (especially Luhan) in unflattering shots(Kris threatened to let one of his creepy ahjussi fans into his room after Lay uploaded one of him with a ‘Essence of Pearl and Bird’s Nest’ face mask). Heechul-hyung and Zhoumi-ge have told him how to create ghost accounts so he can increase the likes and comments on his posts
so the world will know the true face of Kris-ge in the morning . His tumblr is filled with funny pictures of his members, Leslie Cheung and clips from ‘So you think you can dance’. It took him a while to come up with a name in fear the crazier fans may trace it back to him but he decides hiding in plain sight is less obvious and so he becomes mylaylaylaylaylady on tumblr.
One day he gets into a heated argument about whether Layhan is stronger than Hunhan with one netizen and eventually a whole new community is created in which to debate the issue. That same netizen takes great pleasure in posting obnoxious, photoshopped pictures in HD of Sehun and Luhan in compromising positions and sticking a packet of Lay’s chips in the background of every shot. The final straw comes when they post a picture of the other two having kinky handcuff sex in the kitchen. Luhan’s ass is on a crumpled packet of Lay’s chips and his face has been placed right beneath, visible enough for him to see his mouth is open right below Luhan’s ass crack. Lay goes on a capslock rampage in a mixture of Korean, English and Chinese that gets him banned from the community for a month.
Lay never realizes it’s Heechul-hyung until the latter sends him a framed version of the offending picture with his autograph on it.
2. Kris: Judging you all
Kris is a silent watcher unlike Lay, preferring to stalk the many exo blogs on tumblr and privately judge the many fan fics written about him. He watched the great Lay-Heechul Livejournal war unfold, mentally shaking his head at the childishness of it all. Also, his permanent mental scarring after that disturbing picture of Sehun using a Lay’s chip packet as a condom which also had Lay’s face on it. What the fuck. He was glad he wasn’t in Super Junior, he didn’t know how Leeteuk-hyung dealt with that shit. Nods of approval are given when the fans post good pictures of him; eyebrows are raised when they don’t. In a way, he thinks, this is a good way to judge my own airport fashion… Wait, did his skin look shiny in that picture or was it just him? His tumblr is mostly empty apart from the few inspirational quotes and pictures about leadership that Suho sends him (he can’t be bothered to delete them and to do so would mean having to deal with the leader of K’s crying) and the occasional basketball pictures he posts.
At least, that’s what the other members think. His other tumblr account, the one he uses when nobody is around or when he’s cooped up in the bathroom doing what they think is his ‘daily beauty regime’, is filled with reblog upon reblog of the most flattering pictures of himself. More than the infinite mocking he’d face if found out, he fears Luhan’s reaction, because most of his favourite pictures have Luhan, smiling sunnily beside him.
- Tao: They see me trollin’, they hatin’
Like Kris, Tao is usually a silent watcher on tumblr and livejournal, giggling in the privacy of his panda-filled room as he scrolls down his dashboard, checking the latest gifs and clips from their interviews. He trolls Yixing-ge’s livejournal, choosing to post suggestive comments every now and then after Heechul-hyung starts a fanwar if only to see Yixing-ge stomp around the house moaning about netizens out to get him. Well aware of the big fan shipping of Taoris-and the very real aversion Kris-ge has to it once the cameras stop-he trawls the many pages of Livejournal for the most explicit fics, clapping his hands in glee as he prints them off, page by glorious page. Kris wakes up one morning to find his room, the bathroom, the fridge and the inside of their van plastered with various snippets of said fiction. After he gets to the tentacle porn he can’t look Tao in the eye and chooses to burn every single page very publicly in the middle of their dorm.
When their manager confronts them, sopping wet after the fire alarm has stopped, to ask who started it, Tao gives a wide-eyed look and tells him ‘Kris-ge left his straightener on top of some paper hyung, I told you he hogs the bathroom but you never belieeeeeved me’ and is rewarded with a new wallet (Gucci) by their manager, Kris takes to spamming his dashboard and livejournal with panda porn. Tao can never look at a panda, or a horse, in the same way.
- Chen: Lost in translation
Chen usually spends his time on the net studying; choosing courses to take online while simultaneously doing vocal exercises. He sings Chinese kindergarten songs repeatedly until Kris hits him for sleep-singing. Chinese to him is still a mystery, a maze of similar sounding words and characters that make him want to pack up and run back to Korea. Luhan-hyung keeps him company at times; Minseok-hyung takes over when Luhan is otherwise occupied and they babble Korean and Chinese with each other until their throats are sore and Layhan are tsking them in disapproval.
Kris tries to teach him Chinese by making him watch TVB dramas until Tao points out ‘they’re in Cantonese ge, do you even understand everything?’ which earns the maknae a pillow to the face- although Tao is not much better since he fails to explain meanings in coherent Korean and his sign-language is barely legible. Lay-hyung shows him a video a fan has made, of his face super-imposed on some guy called ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ doing a rather awkward dance that has their dorm ringing with laughter, Luhan-hyung translates all the fans’ comments of love and support on tumblr, and when they all re-watch their interviews from the day and Chen sees his name in hangul and Chinese reflected onscreen, hears the screams that show he is loved, acknowledged and the overwhelming crescendo of ‘Jia you!’ he wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world.
- Luhan: Escapism
Luhan doesn’t have a tumblr, or a livejournal account. He prefers to spend his time hanging over another member’s shoulders, chirping in unison when he and Lay come up with new plot points, or trying to stifle his laughter as Tao finds yet another Hunhan picture to stick on the underside of Lay’s sleeping mask. He plays FIFA online with Xiumin, teaming up against Baekhyun and Chanyeol, way back in Korea. He watches Chen study deep into the night as he scrolls page after page of lectures, making him tea with the right amount of honey when the younger boy gets tired, dark bags under his eyes as he tries to cope with their schedule and school. He helps critique Kris’s airport pictures – ‘Duizhang you look good in everything!’-and tries not to play Neopets as much as he should but damnit, Sehun’s Lupin is already Level 40 and his Scorchio is still Level 15 and he needs all the omelet he can get ok?
The one big reason, the one he keeps hidden from everyone else, why Luhan doesn’t use the net much is because he doesn’t want to check his mail. Because although words are cold and unforgiving and worst of all, disappointed over crackling static, it’s better to hear his parents’ voices than reading the words onscreen knowing they don’t want to talk to him at all. When the leader finds him curled up in a tightly wound blanket cocoon he rubs his back until the trembling stops, Luhan pulls him down into a wordless embrace, because there are some things you don’t need to say.
When Luhan’s Scorchio finally beats the level of Sehun’s neopet he renames it Buffalo and spends a hundred-thousand Neopoints on a Fire Paintbrush so it looks ‘just like duizhang’.
- Xiumin: Everything but you
Xiumin likes to write fanfiction about everyone and everything in EXO K and M. Comments are his lifeblood and he peppers in bits of mandarin here and there where it makes sense (he’s learnt not to trust Google Translate… Or Tao) which other netizens seem to love. His tumblr is one of the most popular as it provides the best and the most pictures of every shipping under the sun (he focuses on Hunhan, Taoris and Baekyeol though). His livejournal name, chosen through careful consideration is "王八蛋/Wangbadan" because Heechul-hyung and Zhoumi-hyung told him it meant "Number 1 son". Like Lay, he is a member of various LJ-communities and posts regularly in all, meticulously spell-checking and re-editing before posting the finished product. His personal preferences are school based fics, Au fics, and ones where they get lost in foreign countries. His accurate portrayals of the members and their imaginary love-lines mean hundreds of followers on tumblr and a pages of spazzing commentators on Livejournal. The most common comment is about how realistic Luhan seems in fiction, how lovingly he is portrayed in each relationship or story with each member.
The only pairing Xiumin never writes is one between him and Luhan, because there’s no truth in that fiction.
A/N: Sorry baozi, but seriously, I bet EXO-M is secretly on tumblr judging us all. Chen needs more love~
王八蛋=Son of a b*tch
http://pets.neopets.com/cp/gndc92k4/1/4.png - Fire Scorchio